Dream and Reality

Today Shaun made me realize dat I miss Jacob..
Alot.
Yea I do miss him tho it's been 2 years...
I really do wonder how is he doin.
All dat I'm left is the Pink Vegas cap.
Memories memories...
He's my dream guy.
Even thou he's not good looking..
But he's the closest to wad I want.
He gives me the security I needed.
He cares without talkin.
I keep goin back to the time we're at Jamal wif the guys...
He's doodling wif my hair..
Lookin me in the eye.
Precious moments..
Short lived moments...
I cant help wondering wad if we worked out?
Wad if he din need to go back to Wichita?
Questions without answers.
I'll always remember the last message
"I'm sorry baby, but I still love u".
And dat kept me goin on till today...
Where are u Jacob Lim?


In reality,
I'm dating someone I fancied 10 years ago..
Dream come true?
Not exactly..
It's more like a dream fulfilled.
Thou he may not be who he was 10 years back..
He's not perfect.
Tho he cant be who I want him to be..
Tho he cant treat me the way I want to be treated.
I still love him.
These few weeks was the hardest I need to get thru.
He's always not around when I need him.
Everythin is eventually takin a toll on me.
As much as I hate to admit it,
I feel lost without him bein here.
I needed him by my side.
Did he hear my cries?
Does he knows how much I wanna bring all of this to an end?
Why is it so hard to understand dat I need him here?
For once,
Can he do things for me?



I really dunno..
My brain cant compose all this shyt now.
I cant think properly.
I'm losing judgment..
I cant make any sane judgment..
At least for now.
For the time bein.
Thank god I haf frens dat will make sure they talk some sense into my head.
Hahaha~ I'm not gonna kill myself.
I just need some time out.
Away from here.
Till dat,
I'm tryin to hang on wif all my might.

John Tan~ I love u wif all my heart. I just need u here wif me. I know I haf been such a burden.. But please keep it in mind dat I dun wanna be so vain. This is totally out of my control. I cant help it. I dun mean to make u worry, I need u...Would u be here wif me? Please....


Jacob Lim~ I dunno wad's the possibility of seein u again. But u've been alot on my mind lately. I just hope dat u're doin great. Leading the life dat u want. U're my dream guy, a dream dat I dun wanna let go. I'll see u in my dreams.

Janeale, TYL, Xiao Di, Shaun and everyone else~ Thanks for bein there for me. I needed more assurance and sanity more than u know. I find it hard to express my feelings. Thanks for keepin me sane and safe all the time. I'm thankful and grateful to haf frens like u guys. At the moment, please stay close wif me. Bear wif all my complaints and rants. I cant help it... Dat's the way I express my feelings..


All the love and hugs heaven could ever hold..
XoXo