None of us are perfect beings...

For all the things u do...
I love u to bits and I do hate u at the same time.
I cant help it....
At times I really feel dat u're not good for me...
But in some other aspects.
U suit me perfectly dat I've got no complaints...
The only thing missing is u're support.
I love bein independent...
And I love my freedom of no need to depend on u...
But at times u really make me feel dat u're totally takin things for granted.
And for dat,
I hate u.
Sometimes I really wished u'd be more sensitive towards me..
Even simple things,
U'd take them for granted...
I really hate u when u do dat.
Instead of me giving in always,
Can u just give in once in awhile?

At times I really cant help doubtin...
Are u the guy I wanna get married to?
My mates are worried cuz it's so obvious dat u cant support me in any way at all..
For dat,
I dun blame them.
Cuz they're lookin out for me.
I've known u for so long..
Dat itself has pro-s and con-s.
I dun need to hide my feelings...
Or shud I just say I cant hide them from u.
Are we really good for each other?
I cant help but to doubt.
I'm not ready to marry a guy who has no career or wad so ever..
I'm not ready to marry a guy who cant fully commit to the family..
I cant marry a guy who cant take care of the family..
I will not let my children suffer...
That I shall always hold onto.
I've gave u the dateline..
And I really hope dat u'll keep ur promise..

I dun mean to insult ur job...
It's just dat u're way too good for dis.
U deserved better..
I've tried so hard to tell u dat..
To make u realize.
He's just some cheapo boss.
Who dun deserve ur respect.
I'm sorry to say dat...
But it's true.
U and I know it...
It's time to move on..
And dis time without them.
It's time to evolve..
Time to change into somethin better.
I gave u my word,
I'll still be here when u fall.
But not if u're gonna stick to dis job.
I know how capable u are..
And dat irks me to the max.
It's really time to change.

If u really wanna keep dis relationship,
U really want me to be urs..
Please tink carefully.
Dis is not the life I want to be in when we're in our 40s..
I wanna be somewhere secured...
Not insecured.
I've already told u everythin in detail..
Please do ur best to make dis work.
I've did my 50% and I need u to do urs too...
Cuz dis time I evalute our relationship..
I will not change my mind anymore.
The decision is urs..
Either u keep it or lose it.
I refuse to stay dis way for the rest of my life...

I cant help it at times....

Sometimes...
I really cant help missing him.
Honestly,
All along he's the only one who ever cared to try his best...
To make me feel better..
To let me haf my way yet stand behind and protect me.
The only one who ever cared to buy me flowers..
To be fully committed in our relationship..
He's the one and only...
Irreplaceable.
I know it's self fish to think dat I could replace him.
I could still remember every single thing he did for me.
It's still so fresh in mind.
When I look back at wad we used to haf...
I know he spoils me bad.


He buys me stuffs to let me know dat he's thinkin of me.
Every single thing dat he chooses..
It's always a hint.
I still remember when he asked me bout wad kinda ring I liked...
But back then we were too young..
I was too afraid to be fully committed to him and him alone.
I wasn't ready..
But yet he waited without any complaints..
He waited till time's up.
Tho he din say goodbye,
He told me he loved me.
As years passed...
Lotsa things still reminds me of him.
Flowers on every thurdays...
24red rose wif 7 pink ones..
All the lil details he made.
No one will be able to replace those meanings.



Now when everythin is gone...
The only thing dat I've left of him is the memories we built together..
No one else can be him...
I hafto face facts.
There'll only be one Des..
I wished things din hafto end dis way.
Wished the memories wouldn't stop building...
But who are we to choose when we die?
Life has to go on...
No matter how painful it is...
But losing him back then was losing a part of myself.
I had a choice,
But I decided to let it be like we broke up.
So many times I wanted to scream my heart out but failed..
It's no use...
He'll never come back here..
The only thing one could bring along when death is at door..
Is only precious memories,
No one could take away.
And for dat...
I'm always grateful.....


Love always Desmond C.F.C

Tired of all the crap!!!!

I dunno... It's as if wadeva mom's putting me thru isn't bad enuf to weigh me down. As if everythin else is not gonna be good enuf until it puts me down. I'm really tired of all the crap I hafto go thru..... I wished it would all fuckin end. I'm human too... I need time out once in awhile too...
Mom's been putting me to hell these days... She never took a rest to make me feel bad bout myself. Every single day, it's the same thing over and over again. Am I a daughter? Or just someone u can bash and kick around when u're unhappy.. Or even better when u feel like doin so? Why me bein human is so hard to accept?! When haf me when u dun prepare to take full resposiblities to make sure I was safe and happy?? Why put me thru such miserable life? Why regret when I finally on the verge of killing myself? Sorry is not good enuf... It'll never change the fact dat u've put me thru such bad ass times....


At times it felt dat I only existed to fulfill someone else's needs... All my needs were saw past. It's like I never ever needed anythin... But dat's not the truth!!! I needed my parents to give me full support and everythin I do. But dat din come true. I needed my parents to protect me from all the danger... But I was mostly fed to the lions. I'm really tired of all the crap...


I really need to get myself out of here before I drive myself nuts. The simplicity was often taken for granted. When I finally shouted for help, everythin was too late d. Is it gonna get better? Wad do they really expect of me? To be a goody goody two shoes it's just not me... And I'm tired havin to pretend so they could be happy. Why cant they just be happy wif wad I am now? Am I such a bad daughter? I often wondered dat myself. Wad haf I done to deserve such torture? Do I really deserve to be in such a family? Is a lil love too much to ask for? If my bf's parents could treat me better.. And count me in as part of their family... Shudn't I be callin them my own family? A lil love could go a long way.... Is dat so hard to understand?


The easiest thing to own is the hardest to haf

10 reasons why u shud not date a gamer when u're not one of them

1. If u are not a gamer urself.... Be prepared and sit by the side for hour when they play.
2. God knows when the freakin game is goi to end.
3. They'll never know wad the hell u'd feel when u're patience is up
4. There's nothing more important than the game!
5. To beat them join them... *Dat's not me*
6. Be prepared to spend most of ur time in the cc/// *Even when u dun feel like it*
7. If u intend to marry one of the gamers.... Be prepared to regret it...
8. Hope he change his ways....
9. Dun give urself so much hope...
10. By of the end of the day.. Everything is still the same...



I know I'm crapping here... But I just need to get it out. I'm tired of all dis... I'm hungry and I wanna go for dinner,,, But he keeps playing a new game. I shud just walk off...

Things we'll never understand

Life and death…
We’ll neva understand how it goes,
When it’s time for us to leave?
We tend to take things for granted when they’re still around..
Thinkin dat they’ll be here..
To watch us grow..
To be here…
But things happen without warnings..
Not even a single hint.
They won’t tell us, even if they noe.
Do we really learn from our mistakes?
Do we appreciate things more..
Every single day…
Someone’s dying out there..
Someone close to us?
Someone we once knew?
Someone we’ve met once?
Someone… always someone..
Time heals the broken heart..
The empty space..
Does it really heals?
There’s times I wish..
I wished dat she was still here..
The familiarity of the place..
I could actually feel her sitting there
Reading her books..
Combing her hair…
I could actually feel her there..
I could say a thousand sorry-s..
A million miss you-s…
But she’s gone.
Will she hear me?
Did she feel me?
Will we eva meet then again?
It’s a million questions..
Without answers.
I wan to see u again…
Love u too much to let go..
I’m not ready to put the past behind me..
Forgetting every memories we’ve had.
It meant too much to let go…
I’m not willing to forget…
Ur wrinkles…
Ur white hair..
The way u walk..
The way u talk..
Ur comforting hugs..
I miss u so much..

-Nana Saw-

Equality plays an important role too..

Honestly,
I'm really upset dat u dun wanna go wif me.
I know my mom's hard to put up wif...
And for dat I feel sorry to u too.
But I'm not given a choice here.
She's is still a part of my family...
Part of my life.
I had to put up wif me for all the years I've lived.
I thank God dat u're mom is the best mom dat I could haf.
I couldn't asked for more...
For all the things I do,
All I ever wanted is for u to walk thru wif me.
Is dat too much to ask for?
I really wondered sometimes...
I went wif u without any questions asked.
I've met all ur family members..
Isn't fair dat u meet mine as well?
I dunno...
I'm really confused and upset by ur actions sometimes.
I know deep down u love me...
At times u just act like u dun care much.
It's hard for me to comunicate when u're not willing to listen.
It's all a sensitive subject to u...
As far as I'm concerned..
We'll hafto face it one day.
I've done my part well,
Dat I'm well assured of....
But when are u willing to do ur part?
Without me having to say anythin?
It feels like it's not goin to happen at all.
I really do want my family to love u...
But u're making it harder when u won't take the first step.


I din sign up to be in such a multi dysfuntional family...
Neither did I sign up to be where I am rite now.
I just need u to walk together wif me...
Dat's all I ever wanted.
It's not a demand,
But a request....
Support is a crucial essential for me..
In some ways i need u to understand dat.
Dis is one of the reasons we shud get our own place...
I do not wan u to put up wif mom like dat forever...
I know she's not in the place to judge who u are...
But dat isn't important.
Wad is the most important thing is dat I chose to be wif u..
Cuz u complete me more than u know.
As much as we hate to admit,
None of us are perfect.
In alot of ways,
U perfected me...
Do not leave me at the cross roads all by myself..
Cuz it's just one things I cant do when u're not wif me...

U've failed me...

Sometimes I really dun get wad is mom's prob.
She's been givin me hell alot these days...
For no freakin reasons.
I'm tired of her bein so bias.
When I confront her about it...
She always deny.
That really ticks me off even more.
Why wont she admit it?
She's been doin the same thing over again for years...
It's the same freakin mistake she'll do till I die.
Sometimes I'm just lost for words.
Who does she really treats me as?
A daughter?
Doubt so...
Not dat I hate her...
But sometimes,
It's just so freakin unfair to judge after all dat she put me thru!
So often she make everyone think dat it's my fault,
Even when I haf nothin to do wif it!
I'm so tired of playin and pretendin to be the black sheep.
To be the one to blame...
When will all dis end?


Life is so different when Nana's no longer around.
Things has taken a toll on me eventually.
I'm no longer protected...
No longer taken care of...
I wished she was still around.
Cuz she's my onlt shoulder to cry on at home.
It's so different...
As time passes...
I've learnt dat she's no longer coming back here...
But I hold on to the promise dat we'll meet again..
*Love u to bits Nana*

CNY and Valentines'

It's the first day of Cny..

Crashed wif Valentines' day...

Lame.. *yawn*

Well...

It's not dat I'm not enjoying...

It's just dat I oughtta be somewhere else.

My family...

I did dis just to make him and his family happy.

Why is dat so hard to understand?

I really wonder at times...
Mom's really givin me a hard time,
I need some air to breathe.....
Wad is CNY really about?
Is it about meeting up wif relatives and haf some time to catch up???
Or is it all abou showing off?
I'm tired...

I just came to spend dis CNY wif his family,
Cuz because I wanted him to be happy...
Wad's there so much to ask for.
Not as if I'm not goin back...
*give it a rest*
I' m really tired of pretending...
Pretending dat it's some great moments...
I dun wanna see them!
All they ever do is the same thing every single year!!!
Wad are u workin as now?
Why do we even hafto compare?!
I'm content wif my own life!
I've always been the black sheep...
And always will be...
Wad do they know?
Who the hell are they to even judge?!

I just wanna spend my holidays the way I want,
If meeting up family members are so important..
Why the comparisons?
Why the back stabbing?
Why do they hafto judge every single human being dat walk past the door?
I JUST DUN FUCKIN GET It!
I just wanna be myself..
To live in my own shoes..
Not pretend to be someone else...
Someone who pretends to laugh ad haf a good time.
Dat's just not me.
Why is it so hard to accept dat?!
Why is it so hard to my parents to be happy..
Happy for me bein me...
Happy the way I turn out?!
I just wanna be happy...
Is dat too much to ask for?

I friggin hope u die!!!!!!

Today morning...
Someone splashed my car wif paint!!!
I haf no idea who did it..
Was it random or someonone's tryin to get back at me.
Who ever it is...
I hope is not someone I know.
CUZ I WONT BE QUIET DIS TIME!!!
I FRIGGIN HOPE U DIE!@!!
Mother F!!!!
Cny is just around the corner...
Now I cant even do anythin bout it!!!
I'm really pissed to the max!
If u're holdin a grudge against me..
Why u dun haf the balls to confront me?!
Who the hell are u?



I need more of my antidote!!!
I cant do dis much longer!!!!!!

Tired, pissed and everythin in between

I've no idea why u hafto make such harsh decisions..
And showin me ur temper ain't gonna do u any good.
Honestly I've lost patience wif all ur fuck up collegues..
Even more ur cheapo boss...
I only got pissed cuz he's makin full use of u.
Dun u realize dat?
Or u're willing to be used?
U know....
I'm really dumb founded!!!
WTF??!!!
I deserved to be screamed at for standin up for u?
I dun hafto deal wif all dis idiots...

I'm tired havin to stand between..
U so often hafto choose between me and them.
And so often u chose them over me..
IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!!
Everytime I talked bout them..
U'd be pissed..
I just dun get it why？！!
U often tell me u know wad to do..
But most of the time,
U did nothin bout it!
I'm sick and tired of all their bull shyts!
I've cried and cried over dis..
Over and over again.
Haf u forgotten ur promise?
Never to make me cry?
I'm tired of bein the second choice to everythin else..
I'm sick of bein taken for granted!
我做的一切..
是理所当然的吗？
我为何要怎么辛苦？
为了谁掉眼泪？
我一次又一次为你掉眼泪。。
你一次又一次的伤害我。
我为你掉的眼泪是白费的吗？
我真的很想知道一个肯定的答案。
是白费的吗？
你一点心疼也没有吗？
如果心疼，
为何要怎么对我？
我为何要对你付出怎么多？
为什么要怎么努力做两份工？
还不是因为我不要你那么辛苦？
我做的一切都是为你想的。。
但你对我的回报是什么？

那么多人追求。。
我还是选择你。
难道我的选择是错的？
我只要和我爱的人在一起。。
我从来没要求过你什么东西。
给我点点的幸福很过分吗？
你真的让我觉得，
我很失败。。
你让我觉得我还做得不够好。
有时候真的很想放弃。
不想再努力下去。。
因为你让我觉得，
不管我多么努力。。。
结果还是一样的。
真的很心痛。
我的眼泪流不停。
真的很伤心。。。

我还能够忍到几时？
一辈子吗？
我做得到吗？
很少的可能性。。
我很尽量了。。
你会为我好吗？
不要再伤害我？
我真的受了了。
我只能够忍到不能忍位子。。
如果有一天我离开了。
那是因为我受够了。。
段痛好过长痛。
我领愿消失。。
不要再受那么的伤害。。。。。。