Screw Me Over Already

I never tot it would hurt dis bad...
People judge...
Even tho they haf no idea how ur life is...
Do u even care?
Dun call urself a fren..
From the first day,
I've always known.
It'll end somewhere one day...
It ended..
It died!
I've got tons of people judging me from wad they heard..
From other peoples mouth...
And now u're just one of them..
U can join their club.
I'M SICK OF PEOPLE JUDGING ME!!!!!
Wad fuckin rights haf u got?
Wad do u know bout me?
Haf u even cared to ask?
I dun need fakers...
people who pretend to be friends...
When finally they get bored of u...
they'll delete the "R" from the word and change to FIENDS
I dun need it...
Save ur breathe...
Save ur energy...
I'll leave..

Guilty Conscience...

These few days...
I've been tryin really hard to fix the pieces together.
But he just dun fit!!
I cant imagine him there wif me in the future.
My imagination on him has totally died.
Dun ask me why..
I honestly dun haf the answer.
It felt like we totally dun haf a future together.

But with Teddy Bear...
Everythin is different.
Is it because of the timing?
Teddy fits in my plans...
I could imagine him hugging me from the back when we take photos...
Or buyin me flowers..
Walkin wif me at the beach during sunset..
He's the guy I can rely on when I need someone to be there for me..
He's the kinda of guy dat will hug u to bed.
The one who'll make sure u're okay.
The hug says it all.
Yes,
Teddy has his own flaws too.
He's got weird mood swings.
One minute he's so in love,
The next he dun wan u.
But dat's the risk I would take.
Cuz by the end of the day...
I know he still wants me in his life.
Deep down in my heart,
I know we'll still be together.


It's weird..
But I really cant find the words to explain..
He fits in wif me...
I've always believed in dun marry the guy u can live wif..
Marry the guy u cant live without.
I know dat Teddy's not plannin to get married anytime soon..
But I dun wanna get married..
Not now...
Especially not wif "him".
I feel dat dis is the last time we're gonna talk bout dis topic.
Cuz he no longer fits in.
Everyone says dat when time comes..
Things will fall in place.
I dun need the car...
And definitely not the money he can give me.
And Teddy totally understands dat.
Very well...
He knows dat all I asked for is the company and hugs.
I guess dat's the main reason why Teddy fits in my future.
Other than dat...
He fills in all the other essentials..


I cant help feelin guilty.
But if it cant work out..
I really need to say good bye to the relationship
I've put one and a half years in for.
I cant waste my time for somethin dat's goin no where.
For once,
I shud see myself as the importance.
Someone could sacrifice for me instead.
Someone else could make the effort for me instead.
Someone could love me instead.
This time,
I just wanna sit back and relax..
And feel love and cared for.
The wealthiest gal in the world...
Is not havin the money to buy all she wants...
But the one who is well loved and cared for...

Kipas susah mati Teddy Bear

Sejak bila I telah jadi kipas susah mati Teddy?
I sendiri pun tak tahu.
Kenapa?
Tak ada jawapan yang pasti...
Barangkali inilah yang dipanggil cinta.
Walaupun di tempat awam,
Dia sering buat tak suka...
Tapi I pasti,
Itu bukannya apa yang dirasa di hatinya.
Sememangnya semak di hati,
Ingin bagi tau kata cinta..
Tapi selalunya masa tak mengizinkan.
Perasaan ingin tahu..
Apakah yang akan jadi pada hubungan ini.
Memang nak tahu jawapan yang di sebat dalam hatinya selama ini.
Ingin tahu dia mengambil berat tentang diriku,
Kerana dia memang sayang terhadap diri ini...
Atau pun kata kata kosong saja.
Wajar ke....
Waras ke keputusan ku ini?
Ku memang tak ada jawapan yang pasti.
Kerana sayang...
Jadi ku memang tak pernah nak meminta apa pun.
Selama dia di sisi ku....
Sudahlah I puas hati.
Kerana sayang,
I masih tak dapat lupakan dia...
Masih nak bersama.
Walaupun dah banyak kali nak lepaskan...
Tak mahu mengungkit masa lalu...
Tapi selalu gagal...
Asyik mengingatkan dia.
Tak dapat lupakan dia...
Susahnye...
Heheh~
Tapi,
Skrang I memang pun rasa bahagia.
Kerana dia di sisi ku.
Walaupun bukannya hubungan awam..
Tapi dapat rasakan sayang drpada dia.
Itu...
I sudah puas hati.
Asalkan dia kat sisi

The nite...

Wow~ Last nite was really the best nite he spend wif me after so long...

The words..

The hugs..

It all showed me somethin new.

For once it felt like he's ready to commit dis to another level.

I just told him wadeva dat's on my mind.

"I wonder if one day u'd say.. Dat's my gf"

As the usual... He'd say "maybe"

Well... Maybe is good enuf for me at the momento.

I'm really lookin forward to Sunday...

I would really love to spend more time wif him.

Like I said before..

I've lost count of how many times we did dis.

But I guess it just proves dat both of us cant give up,

And forget bout it.

I'm addicted to him...

And somehow,

I know he feels the same too.

He's no good at expressing his feelings.

But I know when the day comes...

He'll haf no problem at all.

I just hope dat dis time things would work out.

I kept havin dis feeling dat he'll send flowers one day.

When he does...

I know he's ready.

My big teddy bear...

I do too love u...

Am too addicted to u.

For all the things we've been thru..

I'm glad we're still not giving up.

Huggies and smooches Teddy Bear

With or without u....

I cant believe dis... U're such a coward..
A scaredy cat...
U deleted me from ur frens list of the comments dat we made?
But those comments are facts.
U cant accept the facts?
Hahahah...
U actually did me a favor.
I dun delete frens from my frens list...
Cuz I honestly think dat's rude.
Approved or ignored..
Well...
Now I know why Jason said u're never good for me.
All along he was tryin to protect me.
But u kept playin him out the game.
Makin it as if he's tryin to frame u...
LAME!!!



I dun need any lame attention from u..
And the biatch honestly thinks dat I wanna snatch ur "lover" away?
WTF?!!
I'm not so lame k...
And I still do hate the princessy type of gals till today.
I think they're too vain..
Too pretentious..
Who the hell do u think u are to sit at my table and disrespect me?
So fuckin rude.
I never got along with vain gals...
And probably never will.
He's just no one to me...
I've got better guys to choose from anyways..
LAME!!!
Dun sit down and judge me...
U haf no fuckin rights.
Look at urself first before u judge anyone.
Dun judge me by looks...
I aint innocent.
Dun do crime if u can do time.
U'll be surprised at wad I can do...


As for my Teddy Bear..
Thou we're not an official couple..
Or any of dat...
But I know u'll be there for me the best u can.
U haf no idea how much I love ur hugs.
They really makes me feel alot better.
I just enjoy bein in ur arms,
Cuz I know I'm safe.
Tee Hee..
I'm still lookin forward to the movie and decent date U've promised me ages ago..
We might look weird together...
But it dun matter all dat much does it?
Miss u Teddy bear...

Fling? Or the beginning?

I dunno how many times we repeated dis de.
I've lost count.
But yesterday....
Somethin assured me..Or shud I say he assured me ^^
He'll be there when I need him.
He's my big teddy bear,
Someone whom I feel secured wif.Someone whom I can go to when I needed the hug.
OMgoodness....
In love?Nah.... I dun think so..
It's more like a phase I go thru wif him.
Rite??
He's superstar...He can haf anybody he wants.
And when he told me yesterday dat he missed me...
It's sweet... ^^
It's good to haf someone around.
Someone who cares... ^^After all dat has happened...
The disastrous date wif Steven...
My big teddy bear wanted me to be okay.
"I'll hug u like dis everyday if u want me to"Isn't dat sweet?
Awwww....

Yes he's not good looking..
And bla bla black sheep.And he has the weirdest mood swings I've ever seen.
But by the end of the day...
He still wants me to be okay.
Dat's all dat matters to me...
Wadeva he said last nite really made me feel better.He's not dat kinda guy... Guy,
He dun take advantages...
Dat's the best I love bout him.
He's a sweetheart...
And I feel safe and secured when I'm wif him.And to know dat I always haf someone who wants me back...
I feel really blessed.
"You're the only one rite now."
Dat phrase meant somethin to me...
Well I wouldn't say I dun love him...I do...
To a certain extend.
But how are things are gonna be in the future...
I've no idea.
One step at a time....

Love u Sayang...

My big teddy bear,,,

Ps~ It's a compliment =p

⌒☆~ Excited ~☆⌒

Wow~~~ I'm like really superbly excited bout tomoro.... Hehehe~ Just because Steven wants to spend his birthday wif me. ^^ It somehow meant alot to me. Why me?? Hehehe~ He again implemented the 3 years plan. He asked me to wait for him another 3 years and he'll fulfill my dreams for me. Honestly, I'm overwhelmed... Cuz I know not every guy can say dat or shud I say keep dat promise. I feel really blessed. I honestly do.
As for Hubby.... I guess we really came to a point dat things are chilling off. I hate the fact he refused to come back... Nor let me go there visit him. How can I believe dat nothin is goin on there? He says dat he totally hates it when I start doubtin him. How can I not when he starts doin things like dis? It felt I gave him too many chances... I've said all I had to say, and I've done my part. More than I shud do. But he's not capable of appreciating it. Then I'm sorry to say dat it's not gonna work. Every gal wishes to be loved. Wad's so hard to understand bout dat? I never demanded anythin... All I ever wanted is for him to be here wif me. Dat's not too much to ask for rite? Wakin up next to someone u love is just somethin money cant buy... If he cant understand dat, I really dun haf anythin else to say de.
That really makes me miss Jacob more. *sob sobz... Where are u Kap?* He understood the whole bein there thing. When he was back in Penang, he would just go to Screwball to be there when I'm workin. Just to make sure I'm okay. The memories he gave me is just simple, and it seeps deep into my heart. I guess I saw past the whole I'm goin back to Witchita thingie. It's been 2 years... And I still miss him. Jacob Lim is really the one who got away. ='( *I'm still holdin hope of meetin u again*

I'm suddenly reminded of those who got away... *WTH?!*
Colin Yeap ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ Thou we dated for a brief while when we're 14... But the long distance relationship just dun work. Would it be different if he was based in Penang?
Ice Teoh ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ Colin's couz. I totally saw past the" Would u be my guinea pig" question. But I guess we wouldn't haf worked out anyways... He's superstar now..
Wilson Tai ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ The beach camp. It all started from there. Everytime he got into an accident, I was the first one he wanted to see. And I always ended up spendin the nite over his house. And he would ask me to stay again. Well... We're just not meant to be. He's just too good looking for me. =)
Justin Woo ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ He's my ex's best mate. Even after Oliver and I broke up... Justin just continued to be there for me. Even when I dated someone new.. He's always waitin without any questions asked. He actually played the guitar for me in Youth Park in front of everyone.. Dat's how he expressed himself... *Sweet*
Joe Tan ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ Dis is probably the hardest I had to let go. He's my god bro.. Someone close to me.. Always there for me. Calling me evernite even tho our houses are just 5 mins away. He never failed to get me pressies for every occasion. But when he finally pursued me.. I freaked out.. And we grew apart. I still miss those moments....
Lim ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ He's another of my fling's side kick. He's always the one who stood by me when Gun wasn't treatin me rite. He loves gettin on my nerves as a way to say " Take another look at me. " I'll never forget how adorable he sounded over the phone. He adored me from far cuz I was too in love with Gun to see his existence. Where are u Lim? It's been ages since I last saw u....
And the last one was Jacob Lim. The one who gave me memories dat seeps deep into my heart not willing to disappear. I wished we could start all over again.....